Saddling Up My High Horse

Nothing separates me from others faster than those moments when I saddle up my high horse and I start judging others from up on high! I’d like to lie and tell you how spiritually fit I am and how loving and kind I am all of  the time but I can’t do that as it wouldn’t be authentic. You see when I’m having a less than stellar day at being compassionate toward others I can still be authentic, truthful and forgiving of myself! Truth is I spent years judging others to make myself feel better so why do I expect the habit to just disappear because I’m working on living in love!  

I used to have really low self esteem and I felt so incompetent despite all the accolades and awards I was constantly earning. I feared people would find out I was a fraud and as a result of this fear I would point out how incompetent others were so people around me would focus on them and not me.  Most of the time I didn’t even know if the person was incompetent, I just said it.  It makes me feel sad today to think of doing that to someone. However, like I said earlier I still get up on that horse and judge others.  I am trying to stop myself when it does happen and look at what is going on for me because when I feel good I’m not judging others. Its usually a fear that creeps into my mind or heart and I try to combat it by proving to myself or others that I am better.  

I try to recognize my fears so that I don’t judge or hurt others to feel safe and secure. It’s all fake anyway – the only way to feel secure is to have self love and be a part of and as soon as I judge another I am separating myself from the human race and loneliness is sure to follow. 

So today I’m going to walk through my fear of being less than or not good enough by staying on the ground and not saddling up my high horse ! 

Next time I’m about to saddle up, I think I’ll pause and ask myself why do I feel the need to judge or criticize? And then tell myself  – I am good enough! 

My friends you are good enough too! You don’t need to put anyone else down to prove it. You are living proof. 

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