“So your thinking about yourself?”

It never fails that the answer to fear for me is to help others.  I wrote about this before in my blog about being of service to others, but it is such a recurring theme for me I am writing about it again (hopefully, with a different twist as not to bore you).  I was told by a friend once or twice that if I was feeling down or sorry for myself to call someone else and ask how their day was going or how they were in general and try – TRY not to bring my current problem into the conversation.  OMG – HARD!!! Even when I wasn’t upset about something I had and still have difficulty not bringing up ME (my favorite obsession evidently) or sharing a comparable story – Me too; me too! I recommend paying attention when talking to another and see if you listen fully or are you sharing your stuff right over the top of their share – did you acknowledge what they said… I fail at this time and time again.  I must say though, I am getting better at it – ok – commence patting me on the back!  Any way back to walking through fear !

This morning I was going to breakfast with a couple of friends and I was nervous because there had been some strained issues between us.  Stuff we had worked out but we had yet to hang out without others (buffers so to speak) and I was nervous about how I would feel, how they would feel – kind of ridiculous because things had really been ok between us – but seriously, when it came time to go I was overwhelmed with fear to the point of being shaky.  I talked to a friend and I told her how I was nervous to go to breakfast and showed her my shaking hands – I was standing there waiting for her to console me and tell me it was going to be ok and after a couple of seconds passed, my friend looked me straight in the eye and said – “so your thinking of yourself?” I’ve gotten so used to this type of response from this particular friend that I just hugged her and said thank you! Then she said – “try being of service at breakfast and see if you can be helpful your friends.”  My fear was gone; I was thinking of others.  When I say my fear was gone – I mean gone. I went to breakfast and had a great time.

I’m no open minded tolerant saint – if this was the first time I had heard this response I may have said – go to hell or something similar to my friend and stomped off angry that she didn’t console me or validate my feelings.  I was able to listen because I know from experience that if she validated my fear or consoled me, my fear would still be present.  It is amazing how this works.  Don’t believe me try it… next time you are down call someone else and say how is your day going and don’t talk about you! I bet you will feel better!

Sometimes walking through the fear is a lot easier if you just do it for someone else.  I wanted to go to breakfast but had fear; the minute I thought of being present and of help to my friends, I couldn’t wait to go and see what was going on in their lives.  Amazing and simple tool.  Today I will walk through my fear by being of service to another!


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