Mighty Me to the rescue; most likely whether you like it or not! I have had one of those weeks where it I keep hearing bad news about friends or friend’s loved ones. Nothing kicks at my need to fix as much as hearing about the suffering of those that I care about. I want to take their pain away – it doesn’t matter if it’s their path to go through their current situation or if this is part of the master plan. I have decided that I am the Mighty Me and I need to fix it. Oh so wrong but oh so hard to change.
What is my fear in this situation ?? I’ll be honest I’m not entirely sure. Maybe it is the fact that none of us truly have control over anything or maybe I just fear the feelings of sadness I feel when someone I love is hurting. I really don’t know. I’m ok with that for now as long as I can recognize the need to fix and stop myself (maybe not always right away but eventually).
I am glad I know the ultimate thing is to be present and hold a space for my friends and show them love and kindness in their time of need.
The most simple personal example of the difference between me holding space and loving a friend and me trying to fix happened earlier this week.
A friend’s son overdosed and died. I wanted to say “at least his battle is over and he is in a better place” this is me trying to make her feel better (probably more likely make her want to punch me). What I did say was “I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how you must feel!” IHonesty ! How refreshing! I was glad I caught myself and spoke this way. I acknowledged that I can’t know how she feels but I’m sorry for her loss. She responded well – and thanked me for calling.
If I responded in fear and my need to fix with “your son is in a better place” – I’d be lying – maybe he is maybe he isn’t but who the hell am I to decide or to shut her down ! I might as well say – you are not feeling the way you are supposed to be feeling – you should rejoice he is better off. Mighty Me with all of the answers! I wish!
I think I’d rather walk through the fear of leaving it as it and allowing my friend her pain. I can still give her a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold. I don’t need to take her feelings away with some trite line.
Today I’m going to try to walk through the fear of the discomfort of allowing others to feel their pain! I’m going to leave Mighty Me out of it and bring just me ! I have found that is enough and usually more than expected.
Live in love my friends and if you are suffering please know I care and I am sorry for your pain!