I just am… 

So refreshing to just be me and be ok with it. I don’t need to prove anything today (usually – lol). 

I had a inventory review at work today with my two bosses. In the past this type of review would be stressful for me because I would have closed cases like a mad woman all year in anticipation of this meeting. I had a need to be the number 1 closer of cases.  I still would be a mess before my meeting with the bosses as no matter how well I was doing It wouldn’t be enough for me to feel confident.  I’d still feel like I wasn’t good enough.  

 While I still close a good amount of cases – I don’t really need my bosses to pat me on the back to make me feel ok for a day and I certainly don’t have to be number 1.  I’m good if I did my job and worked well with others. Meaning I was kind to others. 

I’d be a liar if I said I never get caught up in the old behavior or faulty thinking that I’m only ok if I am the best, holding a recent award or hearing accolades for some achievement. I just have to bring it back to a lesson I learned last year – I’m ok !  I am ok just me as I am. So I try to be ME – the authentic me in all situations.  

I had asked my bosses if I needed to come prepared or bring anything to the review. They said no. Then I arrive and they start asking a million questions about my older cases – now keep in mind I can’t remember what is going on in all my cases because I have so many and I tend to remember tax issues not case names. Oh well. I just said I’m sorry I can’t recall what the case is about.  In years past, I would have had a million excuses about why a case wasn’t closed. Not today. I just said I haven’t completed it. I owned it. I said the case gets stale and I’m getting so many cases a day that are new and exciting so I do those. 

My bosses said ok well we are trying the get the office’s old case inventory done so we have better ratios for the  close case time report.  I asked when would you like them done – they looked shocked – I don’t think they were prepared and I said well I work better with a goal and they gave me a time frame and they said if you get stuck let us know. End of meeting. 

I walked away neither feeling bad nor good – it just was! It was in some ways awesome because I felt so comfortable just telling the truth and not making excuses. Excuses no one cares to hear because I’m closing well anyway.  It just is and I just am.  What a relief.  

I didn’t get overly praised as I had in past reviews and I didn’t get repremanded – It just was – how refreshing.  Its scary being me – if you read my blog “If you knew me…”  you know what I’m talking about. 

No parade for the super achiever today but peace of mind!  I’ll take that trade any day.  

Walking through the fear of just being me my friends. Self love it works! Just practice it and you’ll be amazed how you just might end up having it.  

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