Goodbye Friendship, Hello Loneliness!

The solutions that roll through my head are quite entertaining.  I was upset with something that a friend asked me and my immediate solution was “we can’t be friends anymore.” This friend has helped me navigate tough decisions, helped me see things I could not see about my own behavior and one blip and my solution is to end it all. FEAR – I felt hurt and I wanted to protect myself from it happening again.  Funny thing is this friend didn’t even know how I felt and with my solution she wasn’t going to get the the opportunity to hear it. 

I realized over the last year that this is what I always did.  What I find most amusing is why I choose this solution. It’s so I don’t have to tell the person I am hurt because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or risk losing them as a friend.  Crazy thinking !!! Obvously, if I end the friendship, I am both losing the friend and hurting them.   

What’s super strange about this old solution in this situation is I was dealing with a friend who appreciates the need to speak up and wants to work on things – so of all the people in my life she would be one of the easiest to talk to.  

Anyway I sat with it for a night and decided I loved my friend, she didn’t know how I felt and our friendship was worth taking a risk for.  What is the worst thing that could have happened? – she would be hurt and stop being my friend – clearly with my old solution I was willing to deal with that already so not so scrary. 

I asked my angels for help and made the call and Woah-  we talked like adults and the issue didn’t seem so big anymore. I didn’t lose a friend,  an important friend who provides me with a lot of guidance. We are probably closer now and each have a better understanding of boundaries and each other. 

I can’t say it’s easy but we must take risks and walk through fear to have love. The kind of love we want in our lives. If I never said anything and cut my friend out of my life, my world would become smaller and I would carry a resentment around. I could have not said anything not cut my friend out of my life. Then I would have a friendship without trust and what good is that. 

Anyway, today I chose me, my sanity, and my friendship over fear! It feels great! I feel empowered. 

I must say one of the keys to this situation being a success is the practice of Pause and Talking to another person.  Waiting to choose what to do and talking with my partner helped me better understand what I felt and that some of those feelings were intense because the situation kicked up against some of my past stuff.  It’s so much easier for me to walk through fear when I understand that current situation is also being charged by a lifetime of history.  

Today I will recognize where my past is dictating my feelings in the present and pause – then I’ll walk through the fear and chose me!  I know love is on the otherside.  I hope you do too!  

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