Nothing breaks my heart more than watching someone I love suffer. That is why when a loved one shares their pain with me, my default position is “fix it mode”. Ugh – so wrong, usually they just want me to listen and I need to fix… you think its because I am loving and kind — NOPE its because I can’t tolerate how it feels to watch someone suffer. I know that a person’s suffering is where they find growth and change. I can’t change their pain or take it away from them without causing more harm – disempowerment. Trying to take away another’s pain is like saying – let me help you because you don’t know how to help yourself!
I especially can’t stand when a loved one is suffering because they think they aren’t good enough or that they will never be good enough. It kills me because usually the people I know that feel this way are people who are AMAZING!!! Ugh.. why won’t they listen to me? Why don’t they hear it when I say they are amazing? Why don’t they believe it? Because my friends – no one can tell someone else how amazing they are and have it stick. Sure it will feel good for a moment but the compliment will wash off.
I know what is needed its listening. I know the best thing to do is to tell my loved ones I am here for you, I am listening. Oh – I can do this and it works great, then five minutes into the pain and oops fix it girl comes back again… I really need to work on this.
Today I am going to walk through the fear of experiencing my loved ones’ pain and allow them the opportunity to heal in love – Self Love! I will work on allowing those I love to have their pain. I will be present and listen.