The greatest pain I’ve ever experienced is the type that stems from witnessing someone else suffer and having absolutely no ability to change it for them.
Of course I don’t always remember that there is nothing I can do. Well, the idea that there is nothing I can do is false. I can witness and validate a person’s feelings; but honestly, that isn’t enough for my lil s self that wants to or needs to fix. With lil s comes an amazing forgettor. I can be in complete understanding and have full knowledge that there is nothing I can do to relieve a person’s personal pain – but 1/2 second later I hear the words coming out of my mouth. Things like – people love you, you are amazing, you look great, no one thinks that about you. It never works and I usually get aggrivation that the person who is sharing their suffering with me isn’t feeling better and smiling. Omg – how selfish of me. I might as well just say – hey your feelings are wrong and I know better how your life is so listen to me.
I do know that I can’t take someone’s pain away so why do I try so hard – um yeah – because I don’t like how it makes me feel. Oh boy you have to love that selfishness. I’m uncomfortable so can you please speed up your misery and go back to your smiley face.
I usually realize what I’m doing right about the time I notice my loved one seems to be suffering a lil more because now I’m dumping fix it one liners at them so they can’t cry and may or may not now feel responsible for my feelings on top of theirs. So not the result I was looking for.
I am trying to allow people in my life to have their feelings but it isn’t easy. My big S can deal with it all day long, but lil s needs some serious coaxing to walk through the fear ( in this case sadness/ helplessness) and allow the feelings to be processed.
So today I’m not going to try to fix. It isn’t easy but I’ll walk through the presents of my loved ones pain one baby step at a time.