Mighty Me …

Mighty Me to the rescue; most likely whether you like it or not! I have had one of those weeks where it I keep hearing bad news about friends or friend’s loved ones. Nothing kicks at my need to fix as much as hearing about the suffering of those that I care about. I want to take their pain away – it doesn’t  matter if it’s their  path to go through their current situation or if this is part of the master plan. I have decided that I am the Mighty Me and I need to fix it.   Oh so wrong but oh so hard to change. 

What is my fear in this situation ?? I’ll be honest I’m not entirely sure. Maybe it is the fact that none of us truly have control over anything or maybe I just fear the feelings of sadness I feel when someone I love is hurting. I really don’t know. I’m ok with that for now as long as I can recognize the need to fix and stop myself (maybe not always right away but eventually). 

 I am glad I know the ultimate thing is to be present and hold a space for my friends and show them love and kindness in their time of need.  

The most simple personal example of the difference between me holding space and loving a friend and me trying to fix happened earlier this week. 

A friend’s son overdosed and died. I wanted to say “at least his battle is over and he is in a better place” this is me trying to make her feel better (probably more likely make her want to punch me).  What I did say was “I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how you must feel!” IHonesty ! How refreshing!  I was glad I caught myself and spoke this way.  I acknowledged that I can’t know how she feels but I’m sorry for her loss.  She responded well – and thanked me for calling.  

If I responded in fear and my need to fix with “your son is in a better place” – I’d be lying – maybe he is maybe he isn’t but who the hell am I to decide or to shut her down ! I might as well say – you are not feeling the way you are supposed to be feeling – you should rejoice he is better off.  Mighty Me with all of the answers! I wish! 

I think I’d rather walk through the fear of leaving it as it and allowing my friend her pain. I can still give her a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold. I don’t need to take her feelings away  with some trite line.  

Today I’m going to try to walk through the fear of the discomfort of allowing others to feel their pain! I’m going to leave Mighty Me out of it and bring just me ! I have found that is enough and usually more than expected.  

Live in love my friends and if you are suffering please know I care and I am sorry for your pain! 

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OMG, You’re Home!

Oh, to love like a dog! If you have a dog you know what I mean. No matter how long you’ve been gone, no matter how well or unwell your last encounter with them was or whether you remembered to bring them a treat, they are just happy to see you.

Yesterday afternoon my partner text me and said I’m going to take you out to eat when you get home.  I wrote back “are you sure you want to do that? I know you don’t feel well and you have so much school work to do.” She didn’t respond and I went back to relaxing and trying to sleep during my commute home. I walked in the door excited to see my partner and she says “I made dinner.” I looked her straight in the face and said with an air of disappointment, “oh, I thought we were going out.”

Why did I say that? Not because I wanted to go out to eat but, because the “plan” had changed!

I know me and I do not like a change in plans! Even the most simplistic plans!  

If I were a dog I would have wagged my tail, ran in circles, rubbed up against her and then darted for the kitchen to eat! Oh, to love like a dog!

I know if I were a dog that is how I would have reacted because I wouldn’t care about the “plan” (probably wouldn’t remember the plan at first site of my loved one).  I would think to myself I have loved everything she has ever made in the kitchen and I would know she took the time away from her studying to create something healthy for me out of the love and kindness in her heart.  Ultimately, as a dog I would just love her unconditionally and be very happy to see her.

Instead of a tail wag – she as met with disappointment! A dog never greeted me at the door with disappointment!

I was so grateful she made dinner and it was delicious and the thought of going out was actually dreadful to me after a 16 hour day of being out of the house! Yet, I still met her with disappointment! It may sound crazy but I know for me a plan is security (even a plan I don’t want to execute) and this type of security is what I use to defend against my fear of the unknown!

I’m going to practice walking through the fear of the unknown and try to consider “plans” possibilities and not security blankets.  After all we don’t have control anyway ! Maybe next time I’ll greet her like a dog or at least with the love and appreciation she deserves!

Wag on my friends!